They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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