i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
