I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize