remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
