my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
