i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
