My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
