After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
