we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
