I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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