she was so not down for the gang bang
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I didn't notice because vodka
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
