my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
