who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
