I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My vagina just recognized that song.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
