Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
