You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
