Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
