C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize