Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
