There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
