Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
