those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
The best revenge is premature balding
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
