I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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