it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
