Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
