Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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