New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
