So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
