i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
