Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
