:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize