i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
