i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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