She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
