I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
