he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
nutella sex= disaster
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
