who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
