First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
soo... how was my night?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
