So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
