he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
