Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
