3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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