I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Congratulations! We have a period
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
