Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
