at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize