No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
