Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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