So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
