I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
