He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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