hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
farters have to be the big spoon...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Randomize