ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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