Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize