and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
