We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
