addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize
