woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
