Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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