I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
its liver damage thursday
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