please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
