Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
