he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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