Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
