You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
