Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
