i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
