My nipple is on Facebook.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
