Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
