They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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