whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
operation have a gay friend backfired
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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