she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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