She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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