Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
