After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
