she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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