So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
