How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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