so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
