Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
