i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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