im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
