U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
