Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dick very happy bro
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
