very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
