Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
