Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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