I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
