and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize