i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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