Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Randomize
