So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
