he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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