Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I need to calm my uterus...
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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