Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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