There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
When did angry sex become our thing?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize