My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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