just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
There r osticjed everywhere
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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