Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
